whyyy

Okay, so here I am, thinking, its already 1.15 am and I am still wide awake, despite feeling sleepy. By my standards, sleeping past 11 is considered late because exactly a year ago, I made a new rule for myself, that is, to sleep early (in an attempt to get rid of my freaking panda eyes), but now, this does not seem to be working :( How is it that I have so much time, yet so little time? It is starting to get to the point where I keep questioning myself everyday, what am I doing? Is it possible for one to love something, yet hate it at the same time. I guess most would have probably experienced the triumph, happiness and relief after solving a question. I realised I've been doing maths for the past 19 years of my life, continuously. And more specifically, almost 5 years was on statistics (but statistics fall under maths anyway, so yeah). Now when I think back, was I crazy? Then again, it was the only thing I liked and could have done. My choices then were limited, anyway. If I had known better, I would have picked the units out wisely, but everything was so messy then, and I only discovered Development Studies at a later stage. Sigh, such is the cruelty of life. I always end up being the scapegoat - i.e in making decisions, settling pathways and whatever that goes along that line. From there, I will try my best to ensure that the younger ones don't repeat the same mistakes. Not that I am regretting what I am doing now (though reading back on this entry, it seems like I have portrayed myself as someone who really hates maths, but its the contrary, really). If I wanted to, I could spend the time actually listing down why maths is interesting, and probably crush all the stereotypical thoughts of those people who go, "Huh? Maths?" every time you tell them what you are doing. Maths, is more than just numbers. Maths can be a tool for explanation. Like how opening just one more cashier booth is enough to cut a few long queues by more than half. If only the calculations were as easy the sound of it.