this break.

As I am listening to my collection of Raya songs on my ipod, the feeling of bittersweetness struck me. Its been 3 years I have not celebrated Syawal with the family, and now, I wondered how I survived that. Maybe I didn't, because these 3 years, on the first day of Syawal, I will spend the time crying. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit this very fact because you have no idea what it is to go through the first day of Syawal without your loved ones.

The first time I spent Syawal here, I didn't realise that on that year, Syawal came earlier by a day for Australia. So, I was still fasting, and on my way to uni, I saw a bunch of people with their kurungs, and I'm like.. this is weird. A few minutes later, I found out it was already Syawal. Felt so down after that, and called my mom from the payphone in uni (I remember back then I have finished up my credit), and cried. I remembered the tears kept flowing down and the fact that there were people still around me, couldn't stop it.

One of the worst things that ever happened to me.

So, one more week left to home. The feelings that I have in me now, I can't really describe it. Not only happiness, but sadness, even. And I feel so thankful that Paps let us go back this year just to celebrate. Even if its only for 2 weeks. Because I am going to miss at least 3 more Syawals after this one.